This is why you're mad at your kids
Let's face it: Parenting can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. One minute, you're beaming with pride, and the next, you're gritting your teeth, trying not to explode.
Sound familiar?
The pressure on us parents is relentless:
β’ Financial responsibilities
β’ Getting dinner on the table
β’ Health worries
β’ Managing sibling fights
β’ Tantrums
β’ Aggressive behaviors
Stress lowers our ability to handle things calmly. At its core, anger is rooted in wanting or expecting things to be different than they are.
When we encounter challenging behavior, here's the sequence that often occurs in a matter of seconds -
I like to call this the Anger Spiral:
- We notice our child doing something we don't like (e.g., screaming, not sharing, fighting, whining, etc)
- We interpret it negatively (e.g., "This is bad and needs to be stopped.")
- We draw unhelpful conclusions about our kids and ourselves (e.g., "They're doing this to be mean. I need to get them to stop or I'm failing as a parent.")
The Result? A cocktail of fear, guilt, and frustration
Anger is a complex emotion rooted in survival and defending ourselves against threats, whether real or perceived.
As parents, anger is often used to defend our sense of self (aka who we think we should be/are).
It makes us feel powerful and like we're DOING something to change our circumstances.
Now let's look at 3 Common Roots of Parental Anger:
- Feeling Inadequate
- Triggers: Whining, tantrums, disobedience, eating/sleeping issues
- Why? Sometimes it's because we tie our worth (or how good of a parent we are) to our child's behavior (For example: "When my child is misbehaving, upset or angry about something, it means I'm not doing enough as a parent. I'm failing.")
- Key insight: Your child's actions and feelings aren't always a reflection of your parenting skills
- Unrealistic Expectations
- We expect our children to: always listen, be social, responsible, and think like adults
- Why? Aiming for perfection in an imperfect process
- Key insight: Children are on a learning journey, just like us
- Craving Instant Results
- Signs: Frustration that we need to repeat ourselves over and over again or we view them as acting younger than they are (e.g., "She's acting like a baby!" or "He knows better.")
- Why? Expecting adult-like behavior from children or expecting our child to be perfect and never make mistakes.
- Key insight: Child development takes time and patience
You and your little one are doing a great job! I promise.
If any of this resonates and you're looking for more resources on staying patient (and also transforming difficult behaviors), then I have something for YOU.
Join my Free 5-Day Email Course: The Patient Parent Blueprint
In just 5 minutes a day, you'll learn practical strategies to stay calm, set boundaries, and strengthen your bond with your children.
This course is designed to help you become the patient, confident parent you want to be (so that you can help your child make better choices).
The course begins on September 23rd.
Don't miss this opportunity to change your family dynamics for the better.
Have a great rest of your week!
Dr. Jazmine
P.S. Registration is quick and easy. Click the button above to secure your spot in The Patient Parent Blueprint, starting September 23rd.
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