Spook-Proof Your Parenting: From Halloween Fears to Everyday Challenges
As Halloween approaches, many of us are thinking about costumes, candy, and... childhood fears?
Yes, 'tis the season for goblins and ghouls, but also for helping our little ones navigate their anxieties.
But here's a trick (or treat?): The strategies we use to help our kids through Halloween fears can actually help us become better parents year-round.
Let's dive in!
Banishing Halloween Frights:
- Validate their feelings: When your child expresses fear about that creepy skeleton decoration, try saying, "I understand that looks scary to you. It's okay to feel afraid sometimes."
- Explain the make-believe: Help distinguish fantasy from reality with, "Those decorations are just pretend, like characters in your storybooks. They can't hurt you."
- Prepare in advance: Before trick-or-treating, you might say, "We'll see other kids in costumes. Some might look scary, but remember, it's just people dressed up for fun."
- Offer choices: "Would you like to watch me carve the pumpkin, or would you prefer to draw a face on it with a marker?"
- Practice coping strategies:
- "If you feel scared, we can take three deep breaths together. Ready? In... and out..."
- "If you feel scared, you can close your eyes..."
- "If you feel scared, you can let me know, & I'll be here to support you..."
- "If you feel scared, you can remind your brain that it's silly plastic decorations... It feels real, but it's not."
- Go at their pace: "It's okay if you don't want to go to that house. We can watch from here if you'd like."
- Model calm behavior: "Oh, look at that skeleton decoration! It's silly how they made its bones glow in the dark."
Now, here's where it gets interesting. These same principles of validating feelings, offering explanations, and providing coping tools?
They're not just for Halloween.
They're the building blocks of positive parenting all year round.
Just as we help our kids navigate Halloween fears, we need to navigate our own parenting challenges.
Here are 7 common thoughts that lead parents to yell, punish, or shut down - and how to reframe them:
- "They know better. They're crying and fussing on purpose to tick me off." Mindset shift: "If they knew better they would do better. My child needs help. This is not personal. This is not about me."
-
"They're crying over nothing. This is not a big deal."
Mindset shift: "This may not seem like a big deal to me but for them it is. Their feelings are valid even when I don't understand them."
-
"They need to be quiet right now and it's my job to make them stop crying."
Mindset shift: "It's not my job to fix or change their feelings. All I need to do is focus on being a supportive presence (while setting boundaries as needed.)"
-
"They're taking advantage of me and my kindness/patience."
Mindset shift: "My child is not my enemy. They aren't trying to hurt me. They are in pain and counting on me to show up. I've got this."
-
"They're just a spoiled brat."
Mindset shift: "My child is doing this behavior because somehow they've learned it helps them get their needs met. It's my responsibility to teach them new tools for getting their needs met."
-
"I have to teach them a lesson. I can't let them get away with this."
Mindset shift: "Yes, it's important to teach my children lessons but in a loving and respectful way. My best parenting tool is my relationship with my child. Teaching lessons doesn't have to come at the expense of the relationship."
-
"I don't have time for this!"
Mindset shift: "I create time for the things that are important to me. I will use my discernment when trying to figure out how to respond but I won't let time be an excuse for my behavior."
See the parallels?
Just as we validate our child's fear of the spooky witch decoration, we can validate our own frustrations.
Just as we explain the make-believe nature of Halloween, we can reframe our own thoughts to be more constructive.
This Halloween, as you help your little ones face their fears, remember that you're not just preparing them for a night of trick-or-treating.
You're building skills that will serve both of you well in facing life's challenges, big and small.
So whether you're dealing with Halloween frights or everyday fights, remember: You've got this.
Your patience, understanding, and love are the best costume you can wear, not just on October 31st, but every day of the year.
Happy Halloween and happy parenting!
Dr. Jazmine
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